What have we chosen to follow in our lives? Some stars may be bright, but they do not point the way. So it is with success, money, career, honors and pleasures when these become our life. (Pope Francis)

What stars have I chosen to follow in my life? An honest assessment would show that they haven’t always been the brightest. I guess that’s why I’m still searching, still seeking the way to happiness and peace. 

I know that heaven is my ultimate goal. Why do I take so many side roads, paths that lead me down dead-end roads? Is it because I’m looking for a short cut (an easier, softer way)? If the road that leads to life is plainly marked (and I believe it is), why do I have so much trouble keeping on it?

I continue to think that My Way is the best way when clearly it is not. I refuse to follow directions and insist that I know where I’m going even when the evidence clearly shows that I am lost. 

Thank God for the heavenly stars that allows me to return to the right path no matter how far I’ve gone astray.

Focusing on the negative is a dead end. True happiness can only come when we concentrate on beauty, goodness and the power of love.

Wisdom from Michael Casey, a monk of Tarrawarra Abbey in Australia, author of Living in the Truth: Saint Benedict’s Teaching On Humility. 

Instead of focusing on what goes wrong and wasting time in assigning blame, we become more open to delight in all that is beautiful, willing to be swept toward God on a torrent of gratitude. Spiritual progress is mainly demonstrated by a capacity to find joy in the Lord. 

Joy, which is the satisfaction of our deepest desires, our hopes and dreams and most profound yearnings, cannot be found in negativity. It only comes with a love that is so intense, so complete, that it sweeps us away on “a torrent of gratitude.”

In this life, such joy is never experienced once and for all. It comes gradually (which is what spiritual progress means) and it must be rediscovered time and time again as we “advance with hearts enlarged” on the way to our heavenly home.

Becoming “more open to delight” is the task of all spiritual seekers. We Christians find delight in Jesus, the joy of our desiring. In him there is beauty and goodness and truth—provided our eyes are open and our hearts are emptied of selfishness and sin.

Christmas is the season of delight. If we look for him, we will find Jesus in the simplest, most unexpected places. Let’s make room for him in our hearts. He will come to us if we let him.

My daughter Mary is a cancer survivor. By the grace of God, and supported by the love and prayers of family, friends and strangers both near and far, Mary “beat” breast cancer two years ago.

Today is Mary’s 33rd Birthday. Her daughter, Jocelyn, is five and a half. Our family celebrated Mary’s birthday last night at a Japanese steakhouse here in Louisville. What fun! What a joy to celebrate life with healthy, happy children!

Today I thank God for the precious gift he gave us 33 years ago—a gift that was renewed two years ago following Mary’s successful cancer treatments and surgeries.

We all learned then that life should never be taken for granted. It is too fragile, not something we can cling to or control by our own efforts. Always a gift. Always “on loan” rather than “owned” or “possessed.” Always to be cherished and gratefully shared.

Thanks be to God for Mary and for all my children. They are precious gifts. May I never take them for granted.

 My favorite aunt, my mother’s sister, Joan, passed away many years ago, but my memories of her are vivid.

In my book A Communion of Saints:Dreams of Happiness on the Road to Life I write:

Aunt Joan had a hard life with lots of emotional and financial problems. Even as a child I knew that her kindness to me was above and beyond the call of duty. She had plenty of other things to worry about—including her own needs and those of her children. 

And yet, Aunt Joan was always there for me. She made me feel special. She welcomed me into her home during times when I really felt the need for a safe haven. I will never forget her love, and  her laughter, especially when I needed both desperately. She showed me—in her own unique way—that our sorrows don’t have to define us. We’re meant for joy both in this life and in the next!

Aunt Joan’s birthday is January 2 which allows me to begin each new year remembering her. I can’t think of a better way to begin again.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Joan. I love you.

What makes a family holy? Progress, not perfection. 

Jack and Helen Conway and family December 1978

Many years ago, I was conducting a workshop for priests, and I asked them the question, “What makes a family holy?” There was stunned silence. I don’t think any of them—good priests all—had ever thought about family life in terms of holiness. 

It’s understandable. For most of us, our image of the family is colored by our personal experience. We say that we come from good families or happy families or broken families or even dysfunctional families, but rarely does someone describe his or her family as “holy.” An individual family member might be considered holy, but ordinarily not the family as a whole. Why?

Well, first of all, most of us are very confused about what it means to be holy. And with good reason. The dictionary defines “holy” as exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness. Really? Perfect in goodness and righteousness? We Catholics believe that only Mary, the mother of Jesus, fits this description and that was by a special dispensation of God’s grace (the Immaculate Conception). 

Saints are holy, but they’re not perfect. They are almost always sinners who overcame great obstacles in their personal lives and in the world they live in. 

Properly understood, holiness means being true to God’s plan for us, growing in goodness and love. In a phrase made popular by Alcoholics Anonymous, it means “progress rather than perfection.” Holy people are sinners who are overcoming past difficulties resulting from selfishness and sin. They haven’t reached perfection, but they’re on their way. 

If we can call individuals holy even if they aren’t perfect, why not families? Every family has its troubles—sometimes serious troubles. But it’s possible for conversion and healing to take place in families as well as individuals. 

My own family (pictured here in December 1978) experienced the amazing grace of God’s healing power after many years of brokenness and hurt. And at that particular moment in our family’s life, we were a family that was on the mend, growing in wisdom, grace and age. 

We were never perfect, but I dare say that, by the grace of God, we were becoming a holy family.